There are so many variations of a female led relationship, that it would be hard to give it an exact definition. However, I can tell you what it means to me and the type of female led relationships I have been in.
How Did I Become A Dominant Woman?
For me, it started because I have such a dominant personality, naturally. Even though I can be sweet and thoughtful, I still tend to be an intense presence. I fought this a lot when I was younger, especially growing up in a Christian household where the women were supposed to take up less space and be unimposing. I was none of these things so it was a real battle for me (and my parents).
As I got to know myself more, I became unapologetically dominant. Naturally, this also attracted men who were happier in a more submissive role. Not necessarily submissive in the D/s sense, but the regular English word use.
My First Female Led Relationship
It wasn’t something I set out to achieve, but as I naturally attracted these submissive men, I found myself taking on that leadership role. As I delved more into BDSM and kink, I realised how much more I wanted….NEEDED…to let this side of me out. I started enjoying being demanding in bed, teasing, causing the men in my life frustration and pain in the bedroom. I loved the control it gave me.
Over time this began to creep outside of the bedroom, into our day to day lives. Especially as my husband and I explored cuckolding. All it would take is a little tease or a look, and I found us slipping into our natural order of the Domme and sub.
Female Led Relationships Don’t Have To Involve Kink
This may come as a surprise to you, especially on a blog about kink….but a FLR doesn’t necessarily have to involve anything stereotypically kinky. When I first got into it, I loved purely the mental aspects. I didn’t make my husband do menial tasks just to torture him, or take out the paddle to give him a spanking every time he fucked up. Kink is an extra, bonus part of our relationship now (yes he does get a lashing when he misbehaves) but it’s not the definition of a female led relationship.
At It’s Core, It’s About Her Being In Control
For me, it’s about having the final say on any decision. When I ask him to do something for me, I expect it done, no argument. I am the smarter one, I am the best at planning our lives and knowing what will work. I have that female intuition that means we succeed better when we listen to it. There are punishments and rewards but they are unique to each relationship. I am not monogamous, so my other relationships may involve a different dynamic, but I’m always the one in charge.
In my work as a phone sex operator & virtual escort, I come across many men who LOVE to have a woman be in charge. They are so fed up of the pressure to be in control and the feeling of let it all slip away to me brings them comfort and a thrill all at once.
Let Her Be In Charge And You’ll Be Happy
It’s not about her never listening to you. I am still a team with my partners, I listen to their side or desires, but in the end I decide what is best for me, and him. Sometimes what is best for us, looks horrible from the outside. Being treated as my footstool, being tormented by tales of sex with other men, being humiliated. I love to look at what makes us both tick and just ride it out, push us out of our comfort zones and discover the direction we will both enjoy.
If you’re interested in a female led relationship, I suggest you don’t overthink it too much or try to emulate what you see online. But rather see where it goes as you take (or give up) more and more control.
If you’re looking for a dominant woman to lead you, or just want to try it out, you can give me a call RIGHT HERE. We can talk about what you desire, and see where it leads us.
